So Tell Us What You Want, What You Really, Really Want

In between my aunt (dad’s sister) trying to set me up on a Skype date with the swamp creature from Chiang Mai (yes, she’s still at it),

Crazy Aunt: You make friend with him online na? He’ll like you. All the boy eats is sushi, sushi, sushi.
Mimi finds this slightly offensive.

my mother attempting to fob me off to a Zainichi jigolo at her friend’s house-party,

Mimi Mama (trying to peel Mimi’s sweater off her shoulder with the fluorish of a magician performing a magic trick on a tablecloth): Don’t wear your sweater.
Mimi (struggling out of her mother’s vice-like grip): No, I am not going to take off my sweater, thank you very much.
Mimi Mama: Don’t be stubborn, it must be hot. Look at how much you’re sweating.
Mimi (shielding her moist armpits): I’m fine the way I am, thank you very much.
Mimi Mama: Everybody is at pool in a bathing suit talking to him, and you hide in corner with the rest of spinsters wearing a sweater that makes you look like grandma! What on earth did I do to deserve this?

and The Fridge Tyrant’s going away party @ Octopus,

Fridge Tyrant slides into the seat beside her, cradling a plate of Philadelphia rolls.
Mimi: I’m glad you’re moving on. You were a terrible assistant anyway.
Fridge Tyrant: Aw, you know you love me.
A short moment elapses which seems like eternity where Fridge Tyrant’s ears turn red and Mimi avoids embarrassment for the both of them by feigning interest in the gonads of a sea urchin eerily translucent under the crappy, LED lights.

I’ve barely had enough time to process my life and the fact that I’ve turned twenty-freaking-nine. As I’m sure you already know, this is especially in regards to relationships. My friend’s wedding today has set me on a fierce campaign of self-examination. Everyone thinks I’m being too picky, that I should just settle. But whyyyyyyyyy? What if I don’t want to settle? Is the world, as they know it, going to end if I die a spinster with nine cats? Anyway, it’s my business if I’m being unrealistic and desire a romance with the sort of infectious chemistry akin to Alek and Joy Rinlanee:

(I just had to fit this video in somewhere as these two are my current obsessions. /screams like a dying goat)

If love has to come, then I want it to whack me so hard, just clock me, right here, in the eye, so that I’ll forget my own name and whether or not I still have feet underneath me. Let it insinuate itself through my door like an unfurling inferno, so fast and strong that it will tear down the stone walls of Angkor Wat, unhinge the aqueducts of Italy, yet still have the restoring power of a phoenix. Why can’t I wait for that kind of love, even if it means I’ve gotta be single for the rest of my life?

Flashbacks of my friend’s gruesome bridal shower last month, when they forced me to wear a toilet paper wedding dress, flash before my eyes as I’m writing this. Uh, yeah, about that… Forget weddings and bridal showers and all that. I don’t want that. I don’t want my friends to drape themselves in paper toilet just to appease my insatiable lust for humor. Oh, my god, no.

Anyway, the family (dad’s side) are all in town for this friend’s wedding and we are going to throw a big backyard barbecue over the next two days. I know these strange creatures who my dad forces me to do a “wai” greeting to every chance he gets, will be asking me the most degrading thing possible: “Why aren’t you with anyone?” How do I know this is going to happen? Because they always do. But I’m not yet desperate enough to hire a fake boyfriend, or old enough to not give a damn and get drunk on alcoholic punch, but I think my current go-to line – “I’m a deviant…and prefer animals to men” – is getting a bit stale. Please, please, please if you have any suggestions on how to answer, “Why aren’t you with anyone?” be sure to let me know. I want an arsenal of comebacks ready to let fly.

Anyway, enough riffraff from me. What you really want are the releases, and oh, do we have some wonderful goodies for you! Thank you, Heels’ Staff. I had a blast reading and crying and laughing through them all. (Teke Teke ch.10 is missing but only for a short while!)

&-and- Ch.14: Shiro gets his thunder stolen.

Himawari Story2: A heartwarming tale about a woman and her cat that subjected both xochie and I to tears.

Sekine’s Love ch.21: Too many feels!

Tokyo Alice ch.7: Okuzono and Arisugawa are infectiously sweet. 🙂

Uploads to the reader and updates for Tokyo Alice will happen tomorrow. As for right now, I need to get out of this dress, which I have been wearing ever since the wedding this morning and have not had time to change out of. ( -。-)



By hats99

A takoyaki-fiend who refuses to sleep more than 4 hours a day.

Comments (25)

  1. Anonymous October 17, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    My love from my previous life isn’t allowing me to get together with anybody

  2. assej October 13, 2014 at 9:47 pm

    Thank you for the release…I really love Sekine, thanks for & also.

    I can feel you. Hmm, I’m NBSB but that’s me and it’s part of my decision not to lie about my feelings with the other party. Just for the sake of dating and having a boyfriend even if your feelings is not that sure about the guy.It’s like “Who are you lying to?” asking yourself.

    Well, relatives and friends always pressure you with the same question and expression. And they’re more curious with you when you turn mid-20’s.

    I agree that 30 is the new 20…hahah

    or maybe that more of the guys now are turning into a woman…(gay)

    I think that most of the women would love to have a family of their own, to have a loving and responsible husband and be a mother to your children. Who wouldn’t love that!

    Well, they just need to respect your status for now and enjoy the pleasure of being single.

    God has a plan for us, whether He give us someone to be with for the rest of our lives or be single…all He want is for us to be happy and contented. ^___^

  3. Sogno October 12, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    Thanks so much!

  4. pau-tan October 12, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    I’m currently twenty six and I hate the question I hate it everytime someone asks it, I think “Why do you care?” God I’ msingle cause I haven’t met anyone I want to be with. I mean I want romance, fire, passion and mostly someone who can make me laugh and won’t make me lose interest after one minute of conversation.
    Maybe I have high standards and maybe I will stay single for the rest of my days but so what? The world won’t end at least I hope not don’t wanna be that much the bringer of chaos.
    So I always say I” haven’t met anyone” or “you know I’m a career woman” or “apparently all the good ones are taken” or I shrug my shoulders and say you know… hahaha that one always makes people stare at me like I’m crazy or rude or both.

    • hats99 October 17, 2014 at 8:51 am

      Pau-tan, you’re not reaching for the moon, at least from where I’m standing. I think it’s beautiful to want passion and laughter in a relationship. The two go well together despite what some may think. Passion subsides after a while, and having the sort of bond where you can laugh like crazy together will keep you going.

      I love the “Apparently all the good ones are taken.” I think that’s so true! Every great guy who isn’t gay seems like he’s already met his other half already. It’s like a limited time sale where you finally decide to go for it only to find out it’s sold out. (Sorry for the comparison to goods, guys.)

  5. Minelauva October 12, 2014 at 11:11 am

    It seems all single women past a certain age must face this question. And if it’s not this, it’s the perpetual question about children. At least, I’m lucky enough that the members of my family and my parents are not trying to set me up with weird guys. But my parents, especially my mother, have made very clear to me that they expect me to get married and have children someday, and that I would regret it if I didn’t. As if life wasn’t complicated enough as it is! I don’t need the extra pressure.

  6. ^Lee^ October 12, 2014 at 10:31 am

    Thanks a bunch for the releases!!! <3

  7. anastella October 12, 2014 at 8:29 am

    Thanks for the releases! Super happy to read another chapter of Tokyo Alice. 😀 And omg this situation in Sekine’s Love is killing me.
    I’m also waiting for a love you’re describing…I’ve tried to go out with people I don’t have feelings for before but I find it very tiring, so now I’m just waiting for someone I really like to appear! And with the limited amount of people I see each day and how busy I am, I probably won’t find anyone for a while…And then there are all the family jokes about introducing me to someone. Totally relate!

  8. Lilanar October 12, 2014 at 3:19 am

    In 90% of situations when this question is asked, the person in question is a young woman, no? I wonder why uncles and aunts don’t go around and ask this from the single guys of the family… >.>
    I had such a blast reading your post. Though I was shaking my fist at the typical aunts in every family. My aunt (mom’s cousin) asked me the same question (she has an unmarried son you see), so I had to answer very conservatively and then flexibly turn back the question at her own son… >;3
    Just imagine if we could go and say: “Dolphins are my true love! How about a sausage, uncle/auntie?” and wait for their expression changing after blurting out that. XD
    Dunno, but something in me maybe the sixth sense is saying you’ll find the one who meant to be the one, one day… (don’t forget your feet underneath you though, absolutely dangerous) So until then hang in there! Even if typical aunties come out and say you’re acting like a granny in sweater…
    Brings back memories… I’ve heard that too, but from a woman with two single children who’re actually older than me! Why really?! Why? Do you think the defenseless attitude makes them come out and say such? XD
    I can’t imagine pairing with someone just for the marriage purpose or just to not be single. In case of marriage it feels like a lifetime contract or something and in case of just pairing (just for the heck of it) feels like not being respectful to the woman inside me! But we’re seeing a lot of these parings and marriages around us. They don’t even care about their children! So recently my last resort is to remind the nosy “typical” aunties of all those examples around us and adding that I don’t want to end up like one of them. In the end I get that “Yes, you’re right!” answer from their mouth! ;3 Weaseling out of the situation like a pro…

  9. thresholden October 12, 2014 at 2:34 am

    Well if you are to not settle, looking young is definitely a plus. Or just accept that a life mostly alone isn’t that bad. 30 is the new 20?

  10. Yuuka October 12, 2014 at 1:48 am

    Guys I really love you! In these days I’m very very tired, and finding when I wake up in the morning Sekine really makes me happy. THANKS!!!
    Hats, don’t care about people, love isn’t a convention, but a kind of miracle, is not that when one reaches a certain age can go to the supermarket and buy a boyfriend. I understand how the people around you do it for a good purpose, because they want to see you happy, but maybe they didn’t understand that happiness is not commensurate with the possess. There isn’t the right age to fall in love, and a person isn’t obliged to marry and have children to be happy, we can find our own happiness as we please, and honestly rather than pursue a relationship just to not be alone but without genuine love, I prefer to be alone without too many expectations but remaining true to myself…and with a bunch of cats!
    Mmmm, about the answer: “Of course I’ve got a nice guy, I caught him on the edge of the road, but since he didn’t fit in the freezer I had to make him into small pieces. Maybe I’ll introduce him to you another time. ”
    Okay, maybe too heavy, but certainly very effective.

    Good luck!

  11. boo-boo October 12, 2014 at 12:08 am

    Thank you for the releases!
    And talking about witty answers: I believe they can be too insulting (I mean, lots of sarcasm is considered witty, right? And those people are your relatives and stuff. You don’t want to hurt them) but maybe you can pretend that you’ve got an imaginary boyfriend (they’ll pity you, though, when they learn the truth 🙂 ) or to prove the previous stuff that you’re deviant- act as if this bf is invisible and right now he’s standing right next to you.

  12. Rexy October 11, 2014 at 9:24 pm

    Two things were going through my mind as I read this post: “Lord Jaysis…” (in the voice of my inner Irish vampire–read Garth Ennis’ “Preacher” and you’ll understand) and “DON’T SETTLE!!!!!!!”
    I’m simultaneously cringing and cheering for you. Ach, family! Wish some of them came with a mute button. And my secret dream is to be a cat lady (if I can’t have a Scottish manor in this life, gotta have a secondary dream goal). Unfortunately, I don’t have any witty comebacks for you (the good Chinese girl in me just doesn’t have the gall nor the fluency to hurl them like throwing daggers). Still, I’ve got faith that that civilization-tumbling love you’re waiting for is out there for you. Or perhaps instead of flying straight at you, it’s just stealthily creeping along, just waiting to fall into step with you while your head is turned. Would you be alright with that?

    Meanwhile, thank you for the releases! How’s the Outlander series coming along? I need to jump on the bandwagon myself (after I’ve gone through my own reading queue)….

  13. Ixtli October 11, 2014 at 8:19 pm

    Settling is dumb. The idea of “being someone with the sake of being someone” or “dating to date” has always weirded me out. I know back in the day people were concerned with producing heirs and land ownership, but since that really isn’t applicable now… what’s the point? Why would you go through a relationship you’re really not into or happy with just ~cuz society~? It’s not like it’s a small commitment, either, like, say, buying a toaster. IT IS A LIFE ALTERING DECISION! SO FUCK YOU, NERDS, FOR FORCING YOUR DUMB VALUES UPON OTHERS!!!
    Anyhow, I don’t think you’re really being unrealistic; I think it’s normal to want to legits fall in love. And I think the golden rule of life (or one of them… …) is: ~B TRU 2 URSELF~

    As for responses, “Why should I be?” “I’m a registered sex offender in 50 states.” “Men are offended by my severe case of genital warts.” “I AM NOT A WHORE!!!!” “Somehow, they always escape the basement.”

    … yeah, still haven’t read any of these series yet… :’D But, thanks in advance!!

  14. reawvann October 11, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    My standard responses are “Because I hate people” and “I guess I like having money too much”. How I really feel? Same as you. Anyway I hope you never settle. But if love does find you, I hope it whacks you so hard, just clocks you, right there, in the eye, that you forget your own name and whether or not you still have feet underneath you.

  15. freaky2 October 11, 2014 at 1:55 am

    Ha! Even when you are “with someone” relatives are never happy, they are such a greedy bunch! “Are you getting married?”, “Where are my grandchildren?” and so on…
    Tell them you love yourself too much to let an unworthy man get close 😛
    Good luck confronting them!

    And thank you all very much for the releases! Btw, I’m already excited about Heartbroken Chocolatier in a week!!!

  16. chilli October 11, 2014 at 12:14 am

    Waah, I hear ya sister! Somehow you can’t squeeze out a witty answer to those friggin’ questions, I get them a lot as well (oh, you sweet relatives…). Even if there is a lot of weird stuff in my head, unfortunately nothing comes to mind on the spot.

    How about: Dolphins are my true love! How about a sausage, uncle?

    And thanks for the releases as always, you guys are the bestestbest! :3

  17. pomporella October 11, 2014 at 12:11 am

    Whoa, thank you for & and Sekine ;____;

  18. Kusa October 11, 2014 at 12:07 am

    But you keep mentioning this Fridge Tyrant!!! There is obviously some sexual tension going on. /scandalous I totally agree with you though, I recently tried going on casual dates with strangers (what they call online dating, Tindering, etc.) and realized I have absolutely no interest in dating people whom I’m not already infatuated with. But I do get really besotted with some people, I just don’t have the courage to do anything about it, ever…. curse my life!

    • hats99 October 11, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      Oh my god kusa, I can assure you that although my faculties are all working properly neither his close presence nor the tiny interactions we have throughout our 8 hour workday have made even a blip on my heart radar. I think the situations I find myself with him makes for good entertainment, but I just don’t feel anything.

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