Mimi VS Evil Future Sister-in-Law VS Mimi Mama VS Mimi Papa…?
I miss my dad. With the recent fiasco between me and my brother’s fiancee, who said she could not personally come to give me an invitation to her wedding because, according to my mom, her foot hurts. Oh, wait, no, now it’s her arm? Oh, wait, was it her stomach? Anyway, enough was enough. Their wedding is two months away, and I had to call my mom about it to give her a piece of my mind.
Mimi: I live five minutes away from you…by foot. If I was living in Iceland, or something, then it would make perfect sense, and I would not be holding that against her. And how did she get to your house anyway? Doesn’t she have to drive there? I’d hate to think of all the pressure she’s putting on her poor, swollen feet, so swollen that she cannot make her way down the block to my house to hand me an invitation.
Mimi Mama: You so mean, I afraid you might do something to her.
Mimi (in an exaggerated Valley Girl tone): Yes, poor, sweet girl. All 140 pounds of her might come here, and, like, get her hair yanked by my skinny little fingers, and even though I’m, like, only 98 pounds, I will somehow wrestle with her and come out the victor, and I will somehow manage to shove her out the door and onto my lawn, and she will accidentally bump her head against a lawn gnome on her way down…
Mimi Mama: See? I told you so.
Mimi groans in frustration.
I broke things off with the last guy I was seeing because he was her friend, and she was unhappy with seeing us together, and it was making him feel miserable to be shunned by everyone because of his association with me. And because I’m a freaking saint, or seriously stupid, I bade him farewell, and now he’s happy, and she’s happy, and I’m at least – if not happy – then moderately satisfied that they’re all happy.
After that conversation, though, I avoided that side of my family like the plague. My sister and friends think I’m punishing myself, that I should just tell everyone what’s she’s done to me and set matters straight. But I don’t think that helps. I’m not cut-out for all that juvenile crap. Never was, never will be. She’s going to marry my brother in two months, anyway. Plus she really is very sweet to everyone else. Who am I to pull the carpet from beneath her feet? (Though I do relish the idea of standing up and shouting, “I object!” when the guy doing the wedding vows asks if anyone has any objections.)
But I do miss my dad. The poor man was forced to call me the other day, in secret, in the driveway, behind his parked boat, lol. I still remember the day I almost killed us both, like it was yesterday.
The year is 2003 and it is late afternoon at a parking lot of a community college. Mimi Papa is in the passengers seat showing 17 year old Mimi, who is at the steering wheels, how to work the gas pedal.
Mimi Papa: OK, just put you foot down on it gent-a-ree (gently).
Mimi: Like that?
Mimi Papa: Yeah, OK, good. Now…
Mimi Papa suddenly throws his hands in the air and shouts: P- POLICE!
Mimi’s right foot accidentally goes heavy on the gas pedal instead of the breaks, maneuvering the car over the curvy premonitory of grass dividing the sidewalk and parking lot, onto the sidewalk, and manages to wrestle her foot onto the brakes just in time to stop it from crashing into a palm tree.
Mimi: Piece of craaaaaap!
Mimi Papa (dropping his arms and slowly, then pats himself, as if to ascertain that he is still alive): Good thing I teach you how use brake first.
Lesson learned: Mimi Papa’s insane fear of the cops leads to car almost hitting tree, leads to cop car pulling up to check IDs, then said cop eyeing the IDs suspiciously, and then finally letting them go with a-
Suspicious Cop: You need to learn the mechanics of your car before getting behind the wheel.
Mimi: Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. We’re sorry, sir.
…And now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, releases, releases, and more releases for you! Take one, take all. I know you really want to throw your clothes off and run naked through the sprinklers from joy, but keep them on. No, really, put them back on! /shields eyes/ If you’re really happy to see them, then don’t forget to thank all the staff that helped us with these projects, especially our new freelancers: StormspikeX and Kat. ‘Cause I really do appreciate the help.
P.S. Thanks to Lilanar, we will be having weekly, Friday releases of Chiruhi by Kawachi Haruka (author of Sekine) in May. So please don’t forget to drop by next Friday and offer your support!
P.P.S. I’m still duking it out with Otoko no Issho Volume 1. I am almost, almost done. Don’t give up hope yet!