Me Tarzan, You Jane

Just two weeks after my break-up, my younger brother’s best friend shamelessly asked me out to see Skyfall. (I say “shamelessly” but I know by the parched throat and lurching heartbeat that I must have been anticipating this all along. Probably as far back as our camping trip in August when he sneaked across the entire campsite in super-duper stealth mode to launch a water grenade at my feet.)

My younger brother’s best friend is a half-white/half-Mexican hybrid with dark hair, a goofy smile and viciously mesmerizing green eyes. All the younger girls gaze dreamily at him, as if he is the corporeal incarnation of Adonis in the flesh. They trip over themselves just to suck in the same filthy air as him. Don’t they know? This guy wears the lamest t-shirts, worships Batman, and pees in the bushes at the crickets.

When one of these nymph-like creatures sauntered up to him one night to tell him how beautiful she thought his eyes were, he struggled to reply to that. The girl had reduced him to a gushing, blubbering doofus.

Afterward, when he sidled over to talk to me, I pretended to shield my eyes.

“Don’t look at me!” I shouted.

Nervous laughter. “What?”

“Don’t look at me with those beautiful, green eyes!”

This caused a look of chagrin and an eye roll from him. I doubled over with laughter, crying, “Joke! Joke!”

“Lame,” he’d said, storming away.

After each such episode, where I played tormentor to his tormentee, I would coax him with a bowl of popcorn or a slice of pizza or half a Snickers bar as a token offering of repentance, which he would snatch up with a scowl that drove me dizzy with glee.

He was barely twenty-three at the time, and I had already turned twenty-seven three months before. I was talking to my brother when he approached us, elbowing my brother in the ribs. My brother punched him in the chest. They wrestled a bit, while I sighed in dismay.

“I know you can’t keep your hands off each other,” I said, “but don’t leave a cute girl hanging.”

After they retired from their bromancing ritual, he turned to me with a grin and said, “Taken 2?”

I blinked in surprise and glanced quickly at my younger brother, who was busy admiring the lint on his left shoulder.

“What?” I said.

“Double Oh?” he said.

I grimaced.

His face fell and he walked away then, attaching himself to the elbow of the resident slutty chick in hooker heels. He did not talk to me for the rest of the night. Later that night, after much pacing, hair-tugging and hyper-ventilating in front of the bedroom mirror in my underwear, I mustered up the courage to text him.

Mimi: Were u serious?

Five minutes later, he texted back.

Younger Brother’s Best Friend: Yeah.

We back and forth’ed until midnight, but none of it was going through my head. The only words that would come to mind were: Oh, crap, oh, crap, oh crap.

Just the other day he sent me a link to this video:

“What are you trying to tell me?” I cried.

“Ay oh Ay oh Ay-Ay-Ay-Ay-OH,” he said.

I shouted, “I don’t understand a word of your Thai!”

He shouted back,”That part’s pretty universal!”

A million hugs goes to any guy who’s sweet enough to fan the flames of my fangirly desires, even if I know that deep-down inside he thinks it’s pretty lame.

Anyway, lots of goodies this time. Thanks so much to our new staff – Mangiwi, Kiwango, Gazechic, samisweet, stellar, Aria, and hoi – for helping us get these out! Also much love to the older staff members – Lilanar, Stiletto, vanille, arcticbeetle, otaku_mel, Kelpie, Kumomi, and Miwa – as well. Don’t tell me you thought I forgot you? 🙁

& (and) Volume 1, CH.5.5: I always suspected Shiro was doing the creeper on Kaoru, but I never knew this was the reason why! Pretty adorable. (For a creeper.)

Ane no Kekkon Volume 1, CH.2: This chapter has taught me that you can definitely outrun a 40-year-old man in heels, but be prepared for something far, far worse.

Balancing Toy Volume 1, CH.5: I’m really glad that Haru is spending more time with Bonta and Towa and getting some freedom from Papa Seiji. Just the other day, they were sleeping in the same room, on the same futon, counting sheep. At fifteen?! I think I stopped conversing with my dad at that age. (Okay, now maybe I’m the dysfunctional one.)

Futago Volume 4, CH.18: Yukari has totally won my respect this time around. If it was me, I’d be bawling my eyes out then and there. Or at least aim a swift kick at the guy’s nuts, if only for consolation.

Natsuyuki Rendezvous Volume 3, Ch.12: Rokka confesses her feelings…for her dead husband?!

Natsuyuki Rendezvous Volume 3, Ch.13: Still inhabiting Hazuki’s body, Shimao’s ghost decides to take Rokka on a vacation date.

Otoko no Issho Volume 1, Ch.3: Tsugumi really needs to get herself a metal door, or at least an underwear and bra set made of interlocking electric wires.

Teketeke Rendezvous Volume 1, Ch.4: Everything epic about George Asakura is showcased in this chapter. She had my sides ripping from laughter. Also, (I know I’ll sound like a perverted old lady but) props has to be given for gifting me with the sexiest 2D Megane Danshi in a heck long while. Hu hu hu.

By hats99

A takoyaki-fiend who refuses to sleep more than 4 hours a day.

Comments (36)

  1. halohalo! April 25, 2013 at 8:04 am

    I just realised that your team translates MOST of the mangas I read ; v ; I would love to join your team as a translator/proof-reader. (especially because kiko mizuhara is your header)

    and also, your blog is hilarrrrious. ;D

  2. halohalo! April 25, 2013 at 8:04 am

    I just realised that your team translates MOST of the mangas I read ; v ; I would love to join your team as a translator/proof-reader. (especially because kiko mizuhara is your header)

    and also, your blog is hilarrrrious. ;D

  3. Caiitlin March 30, 2013 at 7:00 am

    What a wonderful update! Thank you so much!

  4. Caiitlin March 30, 2013 at 7:00 am

    What a wonderful update! Thank you so much!

  5. Lily March 25, 2013 at 8:38 am

    Aww, don’t be so hard on him just ‘cuz hes younger. Let’s just say that I was in a similar situation ;p
    And thanks so much for Natsuyuki & Futago (Yukari…)

  6. Lily March 25, 2013 at 8:38 am

    Aww, don’t be so hard on him just ‘cuz hes younger. Let’s just say that I was in a similar situation ;p
    And thanks so much for Natsuyuki & Futago (Yukari…)

  7. shuyiin March 23, 2013 at 5:29 am

    your life is like a shoujo manga. i kept ooo-ing and ahhh-ing. cute.

  8. shuyiin March 23, 2013 at 5:29 am

    your life is like a shoujo manga. i kept ooo-ing and ahhh-ing. cute.

  9. cocoyam March 23, 2013 at 2:30 am

    I almost enjoy your whimsical update posts/stories as much as your releases. wahhh Hatsumimi gl with pretty green-eyed child-boy

  10. cocoyam March 23, 2013 at 2:30 am

    I almost enjoy your whimsical update posts/stories as much as your releases. wahhh Hatsumimi gl with pretty green-eyed child-boy

  11. Lint March 21, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    Thanks so much for the releases! Did you enjoy Taken 2 ;D

    • Hats March 21, 2013 at 11:22 pm

      I’m not really a fan of the genre. If I didn’t have such fond memories of Liam Neeson in the old Les Miz and in Schindlers’, I’d probably never have agreed to go and see it. Even if it was a cute guy inviting me! I think they just needed an excuse to have Maggie Grace run around in her bra.

  12. Lint March 21, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    Thanks so much for the releases! Did you enjoy Taken 2 ;D

    • Hats March 21, 2013 at 11:22 pm

      I’m not really a fan of the genre. If I didn’t have such fond memories of Liam Neeson in the old Les Miz and in Schindlers’, I’d probably never have agreed to go and see it. Even if it was a cute guy inviting me! I think they just needed an excuse to have Maggie Grace run around in her bra.

  13. Rexy March 21, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    I watched the video and could only handle about a minute of it before I ran away. I can’t believe YBBF sent this to you. Cute, cringe-inducingly cute…

    • Hats March 21, 2013 at 1:48 pm

      LOL! 2:50-3:14 is the reason why I found it so irresistible. *fans self* Plus Maldives is one of the places I have on my “Vacation Spots to Visit If I Ever Overcome My Fear of Heights” checklist. The water’s so damn clear.

      Coincidentally, Golf (guy in vid) is two years younger than me. I seriously hope this is not becoming a trend for me. I would not want to be caught with a 20-year-old boy when I’m, like, eighty years old! *shivers*

  14. dokuhime March 21, 2013 at 12:52 pm

    Thank you to the entire Stiletto Heels team for all of the hard work that went into making the large batch release possible! I appreciate the skills and dedication that you all bring to your projects! Thanks again!

  15. yo March 21, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    You should write a book. I adore reading your life stories. All of my excitement happens in my head. x.x Thank you for the many wonderful releases yet again. 🙂

  16. nImoniyu March 21, 2013 at 9:07 am

    I just keep reading 🙂 the story is so cute jiji a reminder that to fall in love has no limit in age :p.
    Thanks for the releases!

  17. Hats March 21, 2013 at 8:26 am

    Hey, guys. Fixed the links. They should all be working perfectly.

    Rexy: There was no way to add a half chapter to the Foolslide system. I’m not sure how other people managed. For now, I’ve just listed it as Volume 1, Ch.6 (even though it’s technically 5.5.)

    You should be able to read it on the reader now. 🙂

  18. saskiiaa March 21, 2013 at 6:26 am

    I loved this story XD lol! Even if I didn’t understand a word of what was being said.

  19. Yuuka March 21, 2013 at 2:31 am

    Thanks a lot! ….and ahahahaha! Really really nice….if you need I could be Cheetah ;P

  20. Yuuka March 21, 2013 at 2:31 am

    Thanks a lot! ….and ahahahaha! Really really nice….if you need I could be Cheetah ;P

  21. Puff-puff March 21, 2013 at 1:05 am

    Haha! That’s sooo sweet!
    Thank you for the release!

  22. Puff-puff March 21, 2013 at 1:05 am

    Haha! That’s sooo sweet!
    Thank you for the release!

  23. Rexy March 21, 2013 at 1:02 am

    Stop stirring up the girly feelings in my heart! I feel like I’m in high school again, and that was ten years ago! Did you rip a page out of my journal or something? I don’t know what to say, except to channel my inner sassy black girl and whistle, “Girrrrrrrl….”

    Thanks for the releases!

    • Rexy March 21, 2013 at 2:32 am

      By the way, I’m probably just imagining it or something but I tried to read &’s CH. 5.5, but it seemed to just be a reupload of chapter 5. You might want to confirm.

  24. Rexy March 21, 2013 at 1:02 am

    Stop stirring up the girly feelings in my heart! I feel like I’m in high school again, and that was ten years ago! Did you rip a page out of my journal or something? I don’t know what to say, except to channel my inner sassy black girl and whistle, “Girrrrrrrl….”

    Thanks for the releases!

    • Rexy March 21, 2013 at 2:32 am

      By the way, I’m probably just imagining it or something but I tried to read &’s CH. 5.5, but it seemed to just be a reupload of chapter 5. You might want to confirm.

  25. Dreg March 21, 2013 at 12:48 am

    Thanks again for your mass release. 😀
    The link for Otoko is a bit messed up though, it’s http://www.stilettoheelsteam.com/downloads/downloads/releases/Otoko_no_Issho_v1_ch3.rar , but I think it should be http://www.stilettoheelsteam.com/downloads/releases/Otoko_no_Issho_v1_ch3.rar (one downloads too many).

  26. tart March 21, 2013 at 12:46 am

    Wow! Thank you so much for the awesome releases! 😀

    But um… For some reason Otoko no Issho Volume 1, Ch.3 DL doesn’t’ seem to be working?

  27. tart March 21, 2013 at 12:46 am

    Wow! Thank you so much for the awesome releases! 😀

    But um… For some reason Otoko no Issho Volume 1, Ch.3 DL doesn’t’ seem to be working?

  28. Dreg March 21, 2013 at 12:46 am

    Thanks again for your mass release. 😀
    The link for Otoko is a bit messedup though

  29. Dreg March 21, 2013 at 12:46 am

    Thanks again for your mass release. 😀
    The link for Otoko is a bit messedup though

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

WordPress spam blocked by CleanTalk.